Probably Wouldn't Be This Way
by TwilightCrescent
Summary: OneShot. When Jake moves away to college, Sam reflects on how he changed her life and her heart. How will Sam react when he returns? Songfic.


_Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom Stallion, Terri Farley does andI do not own I Probably Wouldn't Be This Way by LeAnn Rimes_

_Got a date a week from Friday with the Preacher's son,  
Everybody says he's crazy, I'll have to see  
I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came,  
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves  
I'm probably going on and on it seems I'm doing more of that these days_

I looked out the window; I turned around and shut the blinds._ He is not coming back._ I sat down on the bed and stared at the wall. A vision of Jake appeared before my eyes and vanished. I rolled on my side. The blanket was soft and had miniature horses sewn on it. Ever since he went to collage, this is how it was everyday. A tear rolled down my cheek. I slowly got up from my bed and paused at the door. I sucked in my breath; I knew that when I went downstairs, I would meet the worried glances of my dad and gram. I would soundlessly walk out the door without any breakfast. I glanced hopefully at the pasture hoping to see Witch there and Jake, taking off her tack or him yelling at her to get into his truck, that he had to, for some reason, drive me to school. I got on the bus ignoring Jen who was patting a seat next to her, without sparing a glance at her, I went to the back of the bus and sat alone, staring out the window, ignoring Jen's disappointed face. _She should just give up_, I thought.

_Probably wouldn't be this way  
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad  
I never pictured every minute without you in it,  
Oh you left so fast,  
Sometimes I see you standing there  
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch  
Sometimes I feel I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much  
God give me moments grace  
Cause if I'd never seen your face  
I probably wouldn't be this way_

The bus dropped them off. I walked into the school, slowly, and grabbed my books from my locker and headed to the bathroom, ignoring the bell that told students to be in class. I got to the bathroom, laughing softly at the memory of Jake hanging around trying to find me. My laughs lately have been soft and broken. I pushed open the door. I went to the mirror, and looked into the mirror. My once blue eyes were hollow and dead, showing no emotions but sadness and depression. No one except Jake could read my eyes and movements perfectly. That thought pained me and I ran my hand through my auburn hair which was as dead as my eyes, unkempt and thin. My skin was gray and shallow, no color at all. I splashed my face with water feeling the cool sensation dripping down my face like the time Jake broke his leg and like the time Jake went outside to teach Gina to play baseball. _He was so thoughtful._ I walked to class. Before I opened the door I masked my face from any emotions, knowing that I was late to class, again. The teacher looked at my with a scolding face. I just sat down in the back blocking out the teachers voice. _Who cares about school? What is the point?_ I stared out the window at the track. _Jake..._ It was empty. Like my heart. I looked away and focused on anything to keep my mind off of him.

The bell rang signaling Lunch. I, instead, walked away from the cafeteria, where a bunch of smiling people headed to talk about mean teachers, or that kid that kept staring at you. In some cases, the next time you and your friends will get in trouble, the next adventure. I turned and went to History, walking down the hall way. I saw my counselor, Susan, who gave me a smile, a smile she always gave whenever I went to talk about her life, mainly. I had hoped Susan would help, but she only said move on or forget him. I couldn't.

_Momma says that I just shouldn't speak to you,  
Susan says that I should just move on,  
You oughta see the way these people look at me,  
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone,  
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind but I just take it day by day_

I walked into History, carrying a stack of papers of everything possible. To keep me busy, Mrs. Ely would ask me to do all sorts of things, like poetry of scenery or daily life. Sometimes, I would do some research of Nevada or horses. Many other kids would moan and groan at the number of work being given to them, I took it without a complaint. I pushed open the door and a hundred of papers flew around me.

No, I did not walk into a classroom of flying papers, I dropped them. There was Mrs. Ely talking to two figures, a man and woman. The female was leaning onto the male, compassionately. It was Jake, with a girlfriend, he turned and he hadn't changed one bit. The scars on my heart reopened with twice the pain. I did one thing I could do, drop my backpack and ran.

I didn't hear him shout my name nor the gasp of surprise from Mrs. Ely, it was a blur. I did not notice myself running into the Nevada sun. I did not notice I had stopped running. I wasn't lost, I needed to be alone. I do not know how far I had walked, until I saw a part of La Charla River. I sat on it and cried as hard as I could.

_I probably wouldn't be this way,  
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad,  
I never pictured every minute without you in it,  
Oh you left so fast,  
Sometimes I see you standing there,  
Sometimes I feel an angels touch  
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much  
God give me a moments grace  
Cause if I'd never see your face  
I probably wouldn't be this way  
I probably wouldn't be this way_

The water rushed up my feet, and to my thighs and up to my mid stomach as I waded across. I needed to get home.

It was nightfall when I got home. There was my dad looking murderous at Jake who was there for some reason. When they saw me, they stared. I never knew what they were staring at, my clothes still dripping or me having the guts to come home after the stunt I have pulled. I walked into the house and took two cookies from the plate on our table. I was extremely hungry after my walk home. Normally, Gram would have scolded me, but she smiled happily. I went to my room, munching on the first piece of solid food I had for a while. I found a picture of Jake and me, with Ace and Witch behind us. I don't know how long I stared but the next thing I knew I was throwing it out the window, at Jake's feet.

_Got a date a week from a Friday with the Preacher's son,  
Everybody says I'm crazy, guess I'll have to see_


End file.
